I want to swear to never pick up the bottle again but I know I probably will many more times in my life.

I saw my closest pal recently and I brought a bottle of some real bitter stuff. Albeit just wine, it hits you hard when youve admittedly had half the bottle and are high out of your mind with nothing else in your system. Its a bad habit Ive created for myself, not eating most the day, it always comes back to bite me.

It was the most drunk that Ive been to this day and it left me horribly sick.

I had to walk back in the pitch dark of night with all my incoherence and bad judgement. My best friend was able to walk part of it with me before he returned back to meet with family. During which I fell, more so tripped on a huge tree root in the forest, and tumbled around in some mud.

The arm I fell on still aches badly.

The other half that I walked on my own was dengeroues, I kept forgetting myself and my surroundings. Walking along highways, I threw myself into a road and before I knew it was a few seconds away from being ran over by what appeared to be the fastest car Ive ever encountered.

Still, I made it through and with my adrenaline I swung at a local parks swing set for a while. I hadnt a care in the world.

I keep thinking about all the things him and I joked and laughed about while drunk. How I fell and cheesed so hard and all he could do was ask me if I was alright and help me up. How we cheered in a field for nothing but life and skipped around, jumping and running as if just learning of the wind. It was one of the few times I have felt youthful in my youth, in a long time.

I dont think Ill ever be able to forget it, forget the sound of his voice or his smile and mine.

I swear to never drink that much again despite the euphoria in the moment as it quickly crashed later. I vomited four times in a row and as a result woke up with a sore throat that put me out of commission for school the next day.

I lounged.